So, I just read ‘To the Husband Whose Wife Seems Angry’ and boy oh boy can I relate. Not that long ago… I found myself, FINALLY able to express my anger to my husband.
Upset that he got to sit and enjoy his food. Upset that he gets to talk and have ‘brain dumps’ to me when he gets home from work. Upset that he gets to go into the office. Upset that… he doesn’t have four creatures fighting for his attention. AT THE SAME TIME.
It’s a completely relateable subject- Mommy anger.
So as I read this and pondered the subject… I was reminded that once I was able to actually explain how I felt, and why… things improved. We all live in our own reality. And… we can tend to get ‘lost’ in that reality. The frustration, I feel, builds when we start to feel like our spouse ‘has it better’ or ‘they just don’t understand!’.
As mom’s we tend to deal with things, and deal with them, and deal with them… until we start to crumble and frazzle-out (like my word here?).
So… my best advice to the crumbling mama- COMMUNICATE.
I’m so thankful for a husband who really cares about me, who will do ANYTHING to make me smile… and when my smile has faded for a few days, he wants to know why and how to fix it. Being truthful, sometimes he can’t ‘fix’ it… but often he can be aware of how to help it be fixed. Maybe it is giving you some ‘mommy time’. Maybe it is sending you to your room and not letting the kids have access to you. Maybe… it’s just that listening ear and a hug (I said a HUG guys… remember she’s also had those creatures you help create touching her all day long… sometimes she doesn’t want to be touched anymore!).
To the woman who’s husband may need a ‘tune-up job’ in order to hear and understand you, remember he lives in his reality. He’s not home all day, hearing the children fight for your attention, (or fight in general) and chances are… he didn’t realize you couldn’t poop in peace either! Explain things when you are calm, and be humble- knowing that he does have stresses at the office too, and he may at first feel like you need to just… suck it up.
To the husband with an angry wife- listen to her reality with humility and compassion. Try to mentally switch shoes with her, and think how you would react… offer encouragement, and seriously- grab that woman some flowers, or chocolate, or SOMETHING to brighten her day!
Most of all- Communicate. Effective communication, will eliminate the devil’s ability to build a wall of resentment between husband and wife, in these difficult child rearing years.